This is the Bill Cosby brain damage stand up bit. We’re not sure how Bill Cosby’s wife felt about how having children changes you. It starts out with him talking about how his wife (before they had children) was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. But once they had children, her face changed. Her mouth started to droop and she lost her looks. It’s because of their children. And it’s because all children have brain damage. If you put a drink down they immediately start to drink it. You tell them not to and they immediately pick it
UCB comedy teacher/performer and BuzzFeed writer Ari Voukydis appeared on Jeopardy the other day and gave what might be the best jeopardy answer EVER. When Ari Voukydis was in Final Jeopardy, the clue given to him and the other contestants was: “In 1891, this European said, ‘Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses.’” Clearly Ari Voukydis didn’t know the correct Jeopardy answer, so instead of making a guess he knew he would be pulling out of the dark, he gave the best answer ever. Ari Voukydis wrote the following as his response: “Who is this handsome gentleman?”
There is no one besides Bobcat that could pull of the role of Carl Hefler in the 1987 movie Burlar. Here are a few of our favorite Bobcat Goldthwait burglar lines: “Kay-no-bee… K-noby! Is that like in Star Wars?” “Your Caucasian Mr Hefler”…….”OH GREAT THROW THAT IN MY FACE TO!!!” “Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you’re my idea of a dream come true – takin’ shit from a dildo with ears?” “Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin’ package and you decide to blow me shit?” “You know when I was like five I said, Dad Dad!
Good news fat guys, this skinny guys vs fat guys comic is just what you need to see to tell yourself everything you need to hear. The next time someone tells you to lose all that weight, you should just pull up this comic and have them read it and weep. Not only are you more fun in bed, but you are more fun to cuddle with, you don’t have bony fingers and when playtime is over, you don’t just lie there, you bring snacks! So keep it up fat guys. Screw the health problems, hypertension and all the other
125 Short and Funny Blonde Jokes
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Bear Left
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of toilet paper. This should be the next Olympics event.
Nice jump
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of …
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
There’s a huge broccoli outside!!!
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
Funny Pool Sign: Welcome to our OOL and L
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
You’d think one of them would’ve seen it
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the
You can paint my porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, …
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital
State Capitals
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with …
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A robber and a tv
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the …
a golden retriever