This “Apparently Kid” might be the funniest human being alive. Seriously, we dare you to watch this video and tell us that you’ve seen a funnier kid in your entire life.

What’s so amazing about the “Apparently Kid” is his brutal honestly and his deadpan delivery of the most adorable things we’ve ever heard a kid say. Below is a transcript of what  “Apparently Kid” says in this WNEP interview at a local fair. And if you’re wondering what  his name is, apparently it’s Noah Ritter and he’s from three different towns.

Reporter: What did you think of the ride?

 “Apparently Kid”: It was great. And apparently I’ve never been on live television before, but apparently sometimes I don’t watch the news because I’m a kid and apparently everytime grandpa just gives me the remote every time after we have to watch the Powerball.

Reporter: Tell us about the ride!

 “Apparently Kid”: Well it was great, because apparently you’re spinning around and apparently everytime you get dizzy and all you do is get dizzy. I’ve never ever been on live television. I’ve never, ever been on live television.

Reporter: Are you excited?

 “Apparently Kid”: Yeah, and apparently I only went down the super slide and went I went down I was scared half to death. I just freak out.

Apparently you’re the best thing to happen to the news since we apparently don’t know when, Noah!