Funny fortune cookies are always a surprise, especially when you open one and they deliver a fortune that is so hilarious you wonder if Chris Rock wrote it. In our house, there’s always a fight over who gets which fortune cookie, and if we knew there were funny fortune cookies like the ones in this gallery, there would definitely be a brawl. You gotta wonder who writes these things? Is there an older man in a fortune cookie factory in the middle of America making himself chuckle with these clever sayings? Or are funny fortune cookies like the surprising ones found here
Take opening a beer bottle. It’s all exciting and stuff but when you go to open it and crack open that delicious beer, a second later you are met with the reality of having to throw out the cap. And you’re never usually near a garbage can, right? Or what about when you’re trying to sleep with your arm under a pillow and you can never get it quite right? Well, in this collection of awesome products there’ s a solution for that. There also a solution for corn on the cob, hanging your towels, a long extension cord, gross
These funny police reports make us both love and hate humanity. Mostly we love you crazy people, though, because these funny police reports are definitely making us chuckle this Monday. Reading these funny police reports makes you realize that not only are some people completely insane, but they’re also completely insane. Oh, did we say that already? Well, it bears repeating…because some of these people are insane! There’s the woman who thought her mail was stolen because she didn’t receive any birthday cards (seriously?!), and the person who called in a squirrel that was acting funny and the police officer
Is there anything better than a good Seinfeld quote? We don’t think so, which is why we’ve compiled our favorite Seinfeld quotes EVER. Scroll through and share these Seinfeld quotes with friends for more than a few laughs. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.-George I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!-Kramer If you can’t say something bad about a relationship you shouldn’t say anything at all.-George Mr. Ross: I
125 Short and Funny Blonde Jokes
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Bear Left
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of toilet paper. This should be the next Olympics event.
Nice jump
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of …
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
There’s a huge broccoli outside!!!
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
Funny Pool Sign: Welcome to our OOL and L
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
You’d think one of them would’ve seen it
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the
You can paint my porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, …
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital
State Capitals
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with …
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A robber and a tv
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the …
a golden retriever